watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
