You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
