Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
40s are totally the cure
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
