I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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