I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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