phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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