Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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