is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
