Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize