; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I need a beard to bite.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
