I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
