is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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