i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
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He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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