YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
