You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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