Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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