Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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