He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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