You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
