Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
