i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
