I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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