I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
