just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
