Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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