I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
