I'm jealous of your bromance
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
