Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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