eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
