My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
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She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
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You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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