Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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