so explain again why im purple
no
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
