I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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