Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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