i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
