He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
