Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Congratulations! We have a period
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