i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
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The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
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masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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