Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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