took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
