I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
