I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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