You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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