i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
