I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think I just sharted jello shots
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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