The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
