Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
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guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
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Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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