so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
