How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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