Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
