In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
handjob tips. give me some.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
