I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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