So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
