You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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