somebody snuck up and got me drunk
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
