happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
