My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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