Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
