Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
