Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
