I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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