Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
