i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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