I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
