The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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