I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
