the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
