i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When are your genitals available?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
