do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize