like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
