how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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