Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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